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She comes across as confident but in reality, she’s scared.

She’s afraid to say the wrong thing.
So she stays quiet.

She’s afraid to do the wrong thing.
So she freezes in certain moments.

She’s afraid to say too much or come on too strong.
So she keeps things to herself.

She’s afraid to be too vulnerable.
And afraid to show she cares.
So she pretends not to.

She’s afraid to make any first move.
So she doesn’t make any.

She’s afraid of goodbyes without the word.
So sometimes she beats them too it.

She’s afraid other people’s mind could change.
But hers never seems to.
And she’s left wondering what she did wrong.

She’s afraid that someone will get to know her.
And she’ll be met with rejection.

She’s afraid of staring at her phone and not hearing anything.
Another unexplainable silence where she questions herself.
Rereading words and wondering what they mean.

She’s afraid someone will see her not for who she is.
But what she can offer them.
Compromising self-respect hoping that will make them stay.

She’s afraid to lose herself like she’s done in the past.
To people who weren’t worth her time and energy.
And everything about it left her drained.

She’s afraid of the flaws she sees every time she looks in the mirror.
Because she likes the perception people have of her, the ones who don’t know her.
Like there isn’t something wrong with her.
When people don’t know you that well they see the best parts.

She’s afraid to let anyone in.
Because she doesn’t handle goodbyes with grace.

She’s afraid someone will tell her she’s too much.
So she tries to play it cool.
Like she doesn’t care.
But girls like her always will.

She hides a heart she wears on her sleeve so cleverly hidden under baggy long shirts.
Afraid to play her best cards because she’s watched herself lose in the past.

She’s afraid to care out of fear the other person won’t.
She’s afraid to put her trust in anyone else but herself.

She’s afraid to give too much.
Out of fear, it’ll leave her empty.

She’s afraid she’ll never know what it’s like to get it right.
Because all she seems to know is wrong.

She’s afraid to watch people leave.
The ones that don’t come back.
And she’s left alone with thoughts that plague her.

And she analyzes her reflection.
And she’s tried to change.
She’s tried too hard to be so right.
But everything feels wrong.

Having a good heart in an ugly world will leave you feeling that.

She’s scared to let anyone in.
Because no one has ever made her feel that confident.
And she’s struggled to find that within herself.

Because when everyone is trying to change you.
And nothing ever works out.
And caring isn’t enough to make people want to stay.
She isolates herself.

She appears confident but if you really got to know her to the core of who she is with a simple touch you’ll see her shake. With the right compliment, she’ll blush. When she’s treated right you’ll see the fear in her eyes. And with a simple kiss, she’ll pull away. With fingers locked she won’t hold too tightly. And when you ask her what she’s thinking, she’ll never tell the full truth.

Because she’s afraid to.

Hiding behind walls.
Protecting her heart.
Thinking more with her head.
Not believing anything people say.
Hoping for the best.
But anticipating the worst.

Knowing the only person she can trust is herself.
Knowing she’s not crazy for caring.
But it’s the wrong people who made her feel that way.

She doesn’t want to get let down or led on.

She wants to believe in people and relationships and that there are good ones out there. That not everyone has intentions of using her and hurting her and taking her for granted.

She wants someone who makes her believe in things again. But she’ll never ask that of anyone.

So she’ll stay silent and guarded and fearful.

She’ll hide a heart that’s worthy of the best type of love hoping maybe things will change.

By Kirsten Corley for ThoughtCatalog

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