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It’s letting your heart beat slow and softly. It’s allowing yourself to slip beneath the covers into the darkness while drifting off to sleep.
How can I fight with all of my courage and strength only for it to amount to a scrap of paper in my hand? Even after all my fight, I’m imagining a future: five…10..15 years and all I see is a blank wall. It’s terrifying.
It’s creating illusion after illusion—changing the image of yourself and changing what the world makes of you.
Am I still not the girl that broke a man’s heart that was mine and mine alone? Am I still not the one that destroyed such a precious gift that was given to me? I remember watching it erase entirely like writing in the sand.
There’s something telling you that you’re too hard on yourself. That even as I write there’s a voice screaming to stop. Saying to just let go. Let your heart breathe. Let your mind release. Let your body move, yell, cry and scream because it wants to. Because it deserves to.
There’s still something to your soul beneath it all, beneath all the mess you made—you just have to dig a little. How do I do this? How do I let myself let go? I wish I could do it just, like, that. If only the success you envision could all magically happen and fall into place.
Life isn’t like that, dear.
Slow down. Take things as they come. Listen to slow melodies and heartbeats that yearn for you. Drink teas in a way that you feel each warm gulp slide down your throat, into your chest, resting in the pit of your stomach until you’re filled up. Dress in colors that calm you and allow you to feel control of your body. Find leaf patterns on the sidewalk and sunbeams in the sky. Breathe. Big, round, deep belly breaths that fill every nerve of your body until your toes tingle and your head fills with light headed energy. It’s okay to smile. It’s okay to laugh at a show you’ve seen a thousand times. It’s okay to cry.
I’m letting myself let go today. I’m allowing the bubbling of all these emotions erupt out of me into the comfort of you.
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