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I am slowly accepting that we are not meant for each other.
That we were a mistake right from the start. We were wrong for each other in every way possible. What was supposed to be a chance encounter dragged on until the flames of attraction scorched us both and left us ravaged in the aftermath. Our emotions were inflamed and our senses were heightened until we started something that we weren’t ready for. We kindled a fire that both of us did not know how to extinguish.
I spent so much time and effort trying to fight against fate and made you stay. I tried so hard to be someone I thought you would love. I loved you so much that I was willing to turn a blind eye to how destructive you were to me. I wanted to be with you so badly that I ignored the warning voice in my head telling me it was a bad idea.
And slowly I have come to see that we are just two different individuals who happened to be at the same place at the right time. We were not the right fit from the start and no amount of trying can force things to work. Our goals and dreams had never been aligned and our time together had an expiration date that both of us could not deny.
I am slowly accepting that we are better off apart and living our own separate lives.
Even when we were together, our inevitable end seemed to be dawning near with each passing day. Your unanswered text, your indifferent attitude towards us, and your tendency to hurt me made me felt like death on most of the days.
You were still with me yet I felt the loss of you so keenly as if you already left. Even in your presence, all I could think of was how your absence could kill me. I thought of how I couldn’t do without you and subconsciously, I gripped my hold on you tighter driving you further away from me. I thought any affection you gave me was better than nothing. I settled into an empty shell of a relationship simply because I could not stand the thought of losing you.
And slowly I have come to accept that we are toxic to each other. With you, I became another version of myself that I could not recognize. I was too focused on you to be there for myself. I was too absorbed in the idea of us that I lost touch with what was happening around me. I was too in loved with the idea of you to comprehend that love wasn’t supposed to be this way.
I am slowly accepting that I have to let you go to be happy.
Ironically, you had never been mine to begin with. You made me doubt myself every time when you refused to answer my text and spend time with me. You worsened our situation when you pretended nothing was wrong and swept our problems aside. You broke my heart when you misled me with your confusing actions and couldn’t reciprocate my feeling.
And slowly I have come to accept that I can only truly find my own happiness after I let you go.
I can reclaim my own identity and be the person I’m meant to be without you by my side. I can find the love I always wanted and live my dream life after I make the right decision to remove you from my life.
I know that the path towards healing and redemption isn’t going to be easy but I will take it slowly, one day at a time. I have faith that one day, I will get there.
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